In 2024 a doctoral candidate in the field of psychology will write a dissertation as to the long term affects removal from society has on normative humans in a state of comfortable captivity. Meanwhile, I’m the bloody guinea pig that he’s gonna base it on.
I’m only 5 days in, but so far, I’m loving it. And I’m going to share some tips as to why I’m loving it.
- No kids. If you have kids with you in quarantine, stop reading here. I am certain it’s a whole different kettle of fish.
For that matter, no one. I have been happily married for more years than I can remember but two weeks in a nice hotel room having only myself to consider is a breath of fresh air. It’s the only breath of fresh air that I am going to get.
But 2 weeks will be ample, thank you very much. Not that I was ever tempted, but now I can skip paying lots of money to go to that Quepasana course. I’ll pay lots of money to the hotel, instead. And get better food. Mostly.
2. Decisions. There’s something liberating when the main decisions you have to make for the day revolve around if and when you will take a shower, since you didn’t sweat, didn’t get smelly and no-one can smell you anyway. Once that decision is made, do you change your shirt (let’s hope you change your undies, but I’m not getting personal here) and do you get out of your pj’s? Go au natural?
The third important decision is when to eat your McDonalds style hotel-food-in-a-paper-bag? As soon as you hear the knock on the door or later? Do you divide it up into segments or eat it at one sitting? Decisions, decisions.
3. And if we’re on the subject of food, it is never hot. The best you can hope for is warm, and that’s probably by mistake and may carry certain microbiological risks. And no microwave. But necessity is the mother of invention. Dry food can be reheated on the hotplate provided in every hotel room. It’s sometimes called an iron. Moist food is perfectly suited to the hair drier.
4. I have taken to washing my clothes as I shower, every other day. Whoops, my secret is out. A very dear and wise friend once gave me great hotel room clothes washing advice. Wash your shirt in the shower while you’re wearing it. That way you get to all the important bits easily and take it off when you want to dry it. And you can clean your undies and your private parts at the same time. My friend is a genius.
5. I wish to commend my hotel for its range of fair trade shea butter, cane sugar, avocado and olive oil cosmetic products. Give me a break. I didn’t know that chemical factories in Wuhan were free trade. Maybe I misunderstand. Perhaps it means I can take them with me when I leave and trade them freely for stuff that I need?
6. There aren’t enough minutes in the day. I need to plan and allocate times for the myriad activities at my disposal. Reading (paperback or kindle), writing blogs, talking on the phone to friends and family in the free world outside the hotel, check what UberEats I can order, exercise (I love the hotel’s exercise channel), TV, movies, Netflix. Oh yeah. Almost forgot. I have a business to manage if only I can get internet speed past that of the old dial-up. And to make my time mismanagement even more pressing, the third test starts tomorrow. When was the last time I could watch 7 hours a day of top class international test cricket, for 5 days straight (probably only 3, in reality) and not have inconveniences such as work, family and a wife who has no understanding of the intricacies of chess with a bat and ball?
I might just claim to have a wheezy chest, cough and a sore throat on day 13, just to get some extra days. But don’t bet on it.